


Duck Test

by SoDoRoses (FairyChess)



Series: Metaphysical Determinism [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Languages and Linguistics, M/M, Virgil is only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25628296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyChess/pseuds/SoDoRoses
Summary: Linguistics are fun!
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Metaphysical Determinism [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668148
Comments: 20
Kudos: 275





	Duck Test

**Author's Note:**

> takes place ehhhh a month or two after Murphy’s Law
> 
> thank you to @trivia-goddess for beta-reading and helping me with the linguistics! it was so much fun!!!

Roman could fill an entire novel and then some with the list of reasons that Patton _finally_ being his boyfriend was nothing short of a gift from the universe.

Farther down the list but particularly precious was the fact that Patton’s short stature made it so Roman could fully recline on the couch for movie dates with Patton draped over his chest, and still have plenty of breath for belting out Disney duet in spite of the weight on his ribs.

Patton was just as enthusiastic, if not all that technically skilled at singing – but even when his voice strained on Rapunzel’s high notes it still made Roman’s heart do pirouettes in his chest, impossibly endearing and the sweetest music Roman had ever heard. Patton had taken convincing of the fact, embarrassed to sing in front of his bard boyfriend, but Roman was perfectly willing to remind him over and over that Roman adored the sound of his voice.

Patton’s phone let out a cheerful _ding_ , lighting up with a text. Patton pushed himself up a little, reaching, but his arms weren’t quite long enough, so Roman leaned over and grabbed the phone off the corner of the coffee table and passing it over.

The contact name was still lit up on the screen, and Roman did a double-take.

Who on earth was “Washbear?”

The emojis he could make out didn’t help any - a full moon, a cactus, and an ellipses indicating the contact name went on, so presumably a few more. He handed the phone to Patton, then reached for the remote and paused the movie. Patton responded to the text before setting his phone back on the table, closer this time.

Roman decided to share his curiosity.

“Who is ‘Washbear?’” he asked, half-laughing.

“Oh, it was Virgil,” said Patton, settling back down in Roman’s arms.

Roman waited, but Patton didn’t seem to be going to continue.

“And why is Virgil’s name ‘Washbear’ in your contacts?”

“Oh, you know,” said Patton, waving around his own face, “Because of the eyeliner,”

Roman laughed incredulously.

“Okay, let me rephrase,” he said, “I don’t know what a washbear is,”

Patton stilled, and then propped himself up on his hands.

“Oh!” he said, “I’m so sorry, I forgot that’s- that’s Hobbittish, not standard English,”

His brow furrowed.

“Wait, what _is_ it in standard?”

Roman’s amusement gave way to surprise.

“I… didn’t know hobbits had their own language,” he said, startled.

“Oh, well, it’s not- it’s really more of a _dialect_ than a whole language,” said Patton, face drawn in concentration, “Or at least the one I know, I- oh, _shoot,_ what _is_ he called?”

“It’s some kind of animal, presumably?” said Roman, “Describe it, maybe I can help,”

Patton sat up straight in Roman’s lap, and Roman shifted until he was sitting up a little against the arm of the couch. Patton began tapping his fingers together in thought.

“Well, he’s gray and black and gets in, um, trash a lot?” said Patton.

“Kinda just sounds like a regular bear,” said Roman.

“No, no, he’s small,” said Patton, “And he has a little bandit mask and people hands,”

“A _raccoon?_ ” said Roman incredulously.

And Patton _lit up_.

“ _Yes!”_ he exclaimed, clapping his hands “Yes, him!”

Roman felt so suddenly dazed it was like he’d been punched. Patton was beaming, utterly _delighted_ they’d solved the simple puzzle and Roman swore at that moment he fell in love all over again.

“Good job, sweetie!” said Patton, clapping again and peppering a smattering of kisses all over Roman’s rapidly warming face.

“You too,” said Roman, trying not to sound as hopelessly besotted as he felt. He managed to catch one of Patton’s pecks with his lips, smiling when Patton responded with a happy little hum.

“I am curious how you get to ‘washbear’ from ‘raccoon,’ though,” he laughed.

“Because he washes his food, silly,” said Patton, booping Roman’s nose with a grin, and sending Roman’s heart leaping into his throat, “Remember that video with the cotton candy?”

“Ah,” said Roman, swallowing hard and squeezing Patton’s hips, “I see. I’m sure Virgil adores this comparison,”

“It’s what Ma calls him,” said Patton smugly, “So he’s legally not allowed to complain,”

“Oh, legally?”

“Yup!” said Patton brightly, replacing the nose boop with a kiss this time.

“Well, now you’ve made me curious,” laughed Roman, “Does everyone get a cute name in your contacts, or is it brothers privilege?”

“Well not everyone,” said Patton, “Like most of my coworkers – well, besides Virgil – they just have their names,”

“What’s mine?”

Patton’s grin turned distinctly coy, and instead of answering he reached over to pick up his phone again. Clicking through for a few moments, he turned the phone around to face Roman.

There, above the number Roman easily recognized as his own, was the label “Sweetie” followed by a string of miscellaneous candy, ice cream and dessert emojis.

“That’s-”

Roman only managed that one strangled word, and Patton’s grin widened from bright to outright dazzling.

“Awww, you’re blushy!” he cooed, “You like it,”

“I love it,” said Roman, reaching up to tuck some hair behind both of Patton’s ears, “It’s precious, just like you,”

“Oh, stop it, charmer,” said Patton, poking Roman in the chest but looking undeniably pleased.

“I shan’t!” said Roman dramatically, pressing one hand to his chest, “My heart overflows with compliments for my dearest, they simply cannot be contained,”

Patton giggled, squirming happily and swooping forward to kiss Roman properly.

As they fell into the soft rhythm of kisses, Roman was torn between relief and just a touch of disappointment that Patton hadn’t asked what _his_ contact name was.

It might be a little soon for Roman to be breaking out “Love Of My Life,” but, well – he wasn’t really all that into denial. And when he did finally say it out loud, it definitely deserved a grand gesture to match.

**Author's Note:**

> you can also find me over on tumblr at [@tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors](tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors.tumblr.com)


End file.
